Favourite lines from the show

MST3Claye said:
Why Does Norman Clegg Buy Ladies Elastic Stockings

(this one has somewhat of a build up to it, but a great line at the end!)

Compo: Nobody's insulting thee.
Wally: There ya are, see?
Compo: It's just that I like to see thee in showroom condition.
Wally: It's just that he likes to see ya in sho...
Nora: Ya don't have to repeat everything!! What are you, a husband or a parrot??
Wally: .......Who's a clever boy, then??

LOL
Click to expand...
:D What a way to start a new series,Wally was a one off and for me that scene summed up his marriage. :D
 
Varaiations on a theme of road rage
Howard pushing his bike exhausted,walks towards Clegg,Truly and Alvin.
Alvin "Where does it hurt Howard?"
Howard "It's the seat of your trousers,it gets hotter."
Clegg "It's called global warming,you've probably got a hole in your ozone layer."
 
From Audrey Nash to the Widow Dilhooley
Nora enters the cafe
Compo "What's this....didn't I see you playing the lead in Evita?"
Clegg "Or was it the Phantom of the Opera?"
 
Stop that Bath
Compo "Chuff me Howard a cast iron bath,couldn't you buy her a pair of earrings or summit?"
Howard "I went in for a pair of earrings,but auntie Wainwright sold me a bath."
 
From Audrey Nash to the Widow Dilhooley
Truly "She was like a vision in that whit dress at the tennis club dance.The orchestra was playing,I was drinking a D&B on the rocks.
Compo "D&B ?"
Truly "Dandelion and Burdock."
 
The Glory Hole
Foggy (looking at a photo Compo found in a draw) "How can you not remember something as ugly as that?"
Clegg "I wouldn't question it..just accept it."
 
Beware the Elbow
Mr Microwave "The wife used to like a giggle.Now she daren't laugh in case it's fattening."

"She was a serious presence in bed.Now it's like sleeping with a pickle fork."
 
Lipstick and other problems
Truly is try to fix Cleggy's vacuum cleaner
Clegg "Are you good with electricity?"
Truly "Years of experience...I switch it on and off everyday."
 
Getting Barry's Goat
Tom is standing holding Waldo
Howard "Why do you walk around with that dead dog?"
Tom "You've got a nerve.I've heard your missus say the same thing about you."
 
The Heavily Reinforced Bottom
Compo "I'm fit for my age."
Seymour "I can hear you wheezing from here."
Compo "How can I be wheezing from there...If I'm wheezing from anywhere it's here.
"D'you think I'm wheezing Norm?"
Clegg "Well,only from one end."
 
Bicycle Bonanza
Foggy "I don't know how you can stand that close to him."
Compo "He's got little green squiggly things."
Foggy "It serves him right for standing that close to you."
 
The 2nd Husband and the Showgirls.
Cleggy's standing at the bar
Clegg "Why don't you go and sit down Billy and I'll get the drinks.....You'll have to excuse him,his mother was frightened at birth."
Barman "What by?"
Clegg "Him."
 
The 2nd Husband and the showgirls
Billy "I know it's not easy to tell,but is Smiler looking more miserable than usual?"
Tom "He's looking for love."
Billy "Has he thought of getting married instead"..with a face like that it's much more suitable.
Smiler "I've been married , she left me."
Tom "I expect she couldn't stand the excitement."
Smiler "She should've said..I could've lowered me sparkle a bit."
 
Just watched "The Suit That Attracts Blondes"

Clegg: I wouldn't like to think of him being... married.....
Truly: Who's going to marry him??? Would you marry him?
Clegg: Only if you'd be a bridesmaid..

:D
 
The Heavily Reinforced Bottom
Pearl "We're talking about Nina Mycrofts daughters young man and suddenly your husband says 'I'm really interested in stoneage burial grounds."
Howard "Well I am."
Pearl "Since when?"
Howard "Oh for ages... anyone will tell you (whispers to himself)probably any minute now."
 
Return of the Warrior
Nora "What are you doing ringing people's bells?"
Foggy "I'm looking for your scruffy neighbour."
Nora "That's another one just been ringing me bell."
Foggy "Which way did he go?"
Nora "Arm over tip down the steps same as you."
 
Inventor of the 40-foot ferret
Compo " I used to come up here for rabbits."
Blamire "Give up on girls did you?"
Compo "Ee I've had more lasses than you've had handbags."
 
Last night's episode viewing for me "The Only Diesel Saxaphone in Captivity"...

Ivy: He's never really learned to tailor his ambitions to fit his ability. Look at Nora Batty...
Clegg: No, you look at Nora Batty..

LOL
 
Truly "I know of three men who were killed falling off a ladder......when I say killed I mean one of them hurt his foot."
 
The Thing In Wesley's Shed
The trio are trying to thumb a lift when a car drives straight past.
Foggy "I fought for you in the war."
Clegg "Why were you fighting for him? He won't even give somebody a lift."
 
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