Favourite lines from the show

Compo "We went on a picnic once,me and the missus......I got stung."
Blamire "And she didn't exactly get a bloody bargain."
 
Marina "You're looking well Norman."
Clegg "It won't last."

Marina "And how are you Norman?"
Clegg "Nervous"

Marina "How are you Norman?"
Clegg "In a hurry."
 
Cheering up Gordon
Nora "Are you just going to sit there while he insults me?"
Wally "No,I thought I'd go and look at the lifeboats."

Ivy "Where are you taking me?"
Sid "I thought I'd keep it as a surprise till you told me."
 
Pole Star
Ivy What's up with him ?"
Clegg "He's just a bit winded."
Compo "Aye the wrong bit."
 
The Kink in Foggy's Niblick
The trio are in the clubhouse bar Foggy turns to Compo
Foggy "While I'm at the bar don't move.If you move a muscle I'll slice both your ears off with a 4 iron."
 
Phantom of the Graveyard
The trio watch as an old teacher is being carried out in a coffin.
Compo "Old Silvester,said I'd never make anything of myself and look where he is now."

Compo "You know Norm if I wasn't spoken for by Nora Batty I could go for that Ivy."
Clegg "You've no nerve have you?"
Compo "When you're a sex symbol Norm it's not easy."
Foggy "Sex symbol...you look like a virus resting between epidemics."
 
Was that Nora Batty Singing
Compo knocks on Nora's door
Nora "What do you want?"
Compo "Don't talk to me in that seductive voice."
 
Pole Star
Glenda "My Barry doesn't like to overload his pockets.He doesn't care for unsightly bulges."
 
Big Day at Dream Acres
Ivy "How did you manage to pick up the wrong donkey?"
Crusher "I think it's because I do weight training."
 
Pearl "Is your auntie Ivy in ?"
Crusher "You don't think I'd be listening to music if me auntie Ivy was in.She goes Rhino if I listen to music when she's in."
Pearl "Well when will she be in?"
Crusher "She'll be in when I'm not listening to music."
 
The man who invented Yorkshire funny stuff
The two policemen pull up to watch them unload the gorilla
Kitson "If it's a body then why are they taking it home?"
Capstick "They'll be chopping it up won't they,in the bath.They always use the bath."
Kitson "Then what are we doing here?...fetch a plumber."
 
Ancient Eastern Wisdom an Introduction
Tom "I need a lookalike,there must be one somewhere."
Truly "It's possible....it's amazing where your father got to on that old bicycle."

Billy "Where you going to find another like him."
Tom "It doesn't have to be perfect,just a rough match."
Billy "Sounds like my marriage."
 
Dried Dates....
Seymour "I'm not looking for a dried date."
Compo "Don't be rotten."
Clegg "He wants to be buried with it."
Seymour "I'll get a shovel."
 
Ancient Eastern Wisdom.....
Billy in aunties shop
"Have you got anything for the Hawk?..for a sort of tall legendaryfigure with room for a thermal vest."

The Miraculous curing of old Goff Helliwell
Howard "You bring a ladder to be repaired and the next thing you know you're being insulted."
Truly "Howard you needn't bring a ladder.we'd insult you anyway."
 
In the service of humanity
Compo "Heyup I've been thinking."
Foggy "Oh yeah look at that, face all screwed up with mental effort.Primitve man discovers language."
Compo "Bog Off!"
 
The kink in Foggy's niblick
Compo "When was the last time you played?"
Foggy "September.......1939."
Sid "You can't call yourself a golfer on the strength of that."
Foggy "If you've once murdered you're a murderer for life aren't you? At least you use to be,now I believe it's 12 years and most of that is society's fault."

In Foggy's attic
Compo "Hey Norm can you smoke up here?"
Clegg "Only your own."
Compo "I'll wait then."
 
In the service of humanity
The trio find a pile of clothes by the river,Foggy decides it must be a suicide and nudges Compo
Compo "What's up now."
Foggy "Remove your hat."
Compo "What good would that do him."
Foggy "The man is gone."
Compo "Well you're not likely to find him under my hat are you?"
 
In the Service of humanity
Foggy "I remember his mother...She once threw a rent man at me."
Compo "That's a lie..She didn't throw him at thee ,thy just happened to be passing at the time."
 
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