One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"
Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"
And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be that TV presenter Piers Morgan."
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland to Rome asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday and I am well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me under your robes ."
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a wonderful instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their Vicar retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new Vicar the day before the funeral and handed him a cheque for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The Vicar gave his word, and deposited the cheque.
The next day, at the funeral, the Vicar did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
A Man has to attend a Conference and he decides to take his wife along with him . The Hotel they are staying in is next to the main trainline . The man says to his Wife " It's been a long journey dear why don't you have a nap while I register at the Conference and then we can go out to dinner"
The Man goes off and his wife lies down , after a few minutes a train rattles by , the whole room shakes and the woman falls out of bed . She gets up decides its probably a one off and goes back to bed . Five minutes later the same thing happens at which she goes down to the Reception and asks to see the manager .
After hearing her complaint he decides to accompany her to check it out for himself so when they reach the room he lies down next to her on the bed . Two minutes later the husband returns and shouts " What the hell is going on here , why are you lying down in the bed next to my wife !!!" " Would you believe I am waiting for a train !! " the manager retorts