I was on the M6 years ago when a HGV carrying Vicks Vapour rub overturned, spewing the whole contents across both carriageways. There was no congestion for 8 hours......
-
Please take note that we have become a subscription only community. Unregistered users or members that have not subscribed are welcome to browse the forums, but will not be able to participate. For subscription details email: contact@summerwine.net The subscription fee is a modest £5.00 annually. Please see this thread.
jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick.
She still isn't talking to me.
She still isn't talking to me.
imitation700mb
Dedicated Member
Have you ever seen a picture of a raffle?
They draw them every time.
They draw them every time.
Do you know what really gets my goat?
A shepherd!
A shepherd!
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Paddy says to Murphy " Here you know if I came to your house and made passionate love to your wife and she got pregnant and had a baby would it be right that makes us Cousins? "
Murphy replies " No Paddy to be sure that's not right , but I guess that would make us Even!"
Murphy replies " No Paddy to be sure that's not right , but I guess that would make us Even!"
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Yorkshire Humour
Steve Cram, Daley Thompson and Tessa Sanderson go round to Seb Coe's house for tea . Steve took the Fish , Tessa to the chips and Daley the mushy peas . They sit down and are about to start eating when there's a loud knock at the door so Daley goes and answers . The rest shout "Who is it ??" . Daley replies "it's Fatima wi "T" bread"
Steve Cram, Daley Thompson and Tessa Sanderson go round to Seb Coe's house for tea . Steve took the Fish , Tessa to the chips and Daley the mushy peas . They sit down and are about to start eating when there's a loud knock at the door so Daley goes and answers . The rest shout "Who is it ??" . Daley replies "it's Fatima wi "T" bread"
imitation700mb
Dedicated Member
After a spate of crimes in our area, the police are now looking for a little man with one eye. You'd have thought they would use both eyes!
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A Farmer is distraught having found his cows frozen in the field this week , he drops to his knees and prays for help . At that a lady appears waves her arm towards the field , the snow melts and the cows trot towards the gate . The farmer is crying with sheer emotion and turns to the woman saying " Thank you so so much , Are you Magic" " No lad " she replied "I'm Thora Hird"
imitation700mb
Dedicated Member
Mum's been looking after the plants in our garden just lately. I hope she's not kissed by the tulips!
imitation700mb
Dedicated Member
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper!
Adanor
Dedicated Member
An embarrassed zebra.
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Paddy goes for a job on the building site and the Foreman says "I have two questions for you and if you answer them correctly you get the job"
" Can you make tea?" Paddy replies " To be sure Sir I can make the Tea no problem at all Sir "
"Well can you drive a Fork Lift truck?" Paddy replies " Why how big is the £$%^& Teapot ?"
" Can you make tea?" Paddy replies " To be sure Sir I can make the Tea no problem at all Sir "
"Well can you drive a Fork Lift truck?" Paddy replies " Why how big is the £$%^& Teapot ?"
imitation700mb
Dedicated Member
Funny! I never thought of that.
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
It has been announced that the new Swedish Prime Minister will be the ex CEO of Ikea , he expects to have his Cabinet built and in place by the weekend.
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Paddy is crestfallen his precious dog has gone missing and he is so upset. His wife says " Why don't you put an advert in the local paper you never know someone might know where he is and you could get him returned " Paddy does exactly that but three weeks later still no dog . His wife asks him what did he put in the advert ? Paddy replies " Here Boy!!"
George Leggett lives.
My mate took his dog to the vets and asked him to cut his tail off.
He said, "Why? There's nothing wrong with it."
He said, "I know, but my wife's mother's coming tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
My mate took his dog to the vets and asked him to cut his tail off.
He said, "Why? There's nothing wrong with it."
He said, "I know, but my wife's mother's coming tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Murphy has a new girlfriend and believes she is definitely the one . Looking around her house he opens a draw and in side he finds a nurse's uniform, a police uniform and a french made costume which make him think twice . " Can I marry a girl who cannot hold down a £$%^ job!"