jokes bad or otherwise.

barmpot

Well-Known Member
Daughter: "Dad, when will I be old enough to go to the movies with a boy?"

Dad: "When you're a year older than your brother."

The daughter thought for a moment and replied: "But I'll never be older than my brother, he was born first."

Dad: "I guess there's your answer. But don't blame me, go talk to your brother."
 

barmpot

Well-Known Member
A story told by a chemistry professor:

A student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.

Out of the corner of his eye, the professor observed what the student was about to do and hurried over. After confirming this was what was intended, he asked the student to first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium.

Puzzled, the student asked the purpose of this action.

"It will give me time to run away," said the professor.
 

barmpot

Well-Known Member
Husband: It says in this article that high fructose corn syrup made me fat.

Wife: That's ridiculous!

Husband: Okay, Miss know it all, If high fructose corn syrup didn't make me fat, what did?

Wife: (drolly) Going back for thirds.
 

barmpot

Well-Known Member
She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift.

"Aha," she thought, "I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present."

She took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith examined the tray carefully, shook his head and said, "Lady, this can only be done so many times!"
 
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"
 
A 90 year old man is at his Doctors for a check up and the Doctor asks how things are. The Old Man is beaming and announces " I got married to a lovely 21 year old and I am happy to say she is pregnant so what do you think about that ? "

The Doctor thinks for a minute and then tells the man " I have an elderly friend who goes Grouse shooting and on a very confusing day he took a long umbrella from the stand instead of his shotgun. When a Grouse flew overhead he pointed the brolley at the bird and shouted Bang Bang . To his surprise the bird fell dead to the ground . What do you think of that?"

The old man replied " Well I think someone else killed the Grouse"

"My point exactly" the Doctor replied.
 
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