jokes bad or otherwise.

With Apologies to Liverpool

Merseyside Police​
Merseyside Police have announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi- automatic rifles, with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers... 2 tons of heroin, £25 million in forged notes and a ring of 25 prostitutes all on a housing estate behind Toxteth Public Library.

Toxteth folks were stunned. A community leader said: "We is well shocked."
"We never knew we had a library."

:42: :42: :42:​
 
George said:
A 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed.

Her husband walks in and says, " You look ridiculous! What do you think
you are doing?"

She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an 18-year-old!"

She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year old ass?"

She says, "Your name never came up!"
Click to expand...

LOL!!!
 
This one did make me giggle

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cabbage

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boiled cabbage

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1 boiled cabbage


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50bloodyboiledcabbages

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Big Unc said:
Merseyside Police​
Merseyside Police have announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi- automatic rifles, with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers... 2 tons of heroin, £25 million in forged notes and a ring of 25 prostitutes all on a housing estate behind Toxteth Public Library.

Toxteth folks were stunned. A community leader said: "We is well shocked."
"We never knew we had a library."

:42: :42: :42:​
Click to expand...

:29::29::29::29::29::29:
 
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh, yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch. "Wow" says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
 
One I picked up in the USA

Guy 1: "My uncle in Detroit tried to invent a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Chevy, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Chrysler."

Guy 2: "Really? What did he get?"

Guy 1: "Fifteen years for theft."
 
Another USA sourced one about driving:

A lady who was speeding was pulled over to the side of the road by an officer.

She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Oh, yes I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always loop it through your steering wheel?"
 
A group of chess enthusiasts had checekd into a hotel and wee standing around in the main entrance lobby discussing their various victories.

After an hour the manager came out and asked them to disperse.

"Why" they asked. "Because I can't stand chess nuts roasting in an open foyer."
 
Four fonts walked into the bar and the barman immediately says "Oi - get out! We don't serve your type in here."
 
I was having dinner with a chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass the salt.
 
Man is shipwrecked on a desert island with Cindy Crawford, one thing leads to another and they end doing what comes natural. Six months later the man turns to Cindy and ask her to wear his trousers, she looks at him oddly but does as he asks, the next day he says to her, "do you mind if I call you Pete?" She looks a bit confused but agrees, the next day she wakes up and the man is leaning over her with some charcoal from the fire, drawing a mustache on her face, at this she jumps up and demands to know the hell he's playing at.... "Never mind that Pete, you'll never guess who I've been sleeping with for the last six months......"
 
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I once thought it would be really great to try and pack myself into a small suitcase, I could hardly contain myself.
 
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