jokes bad or otherwise.

Do you think that when a Jehovah's witness dies and goes to heaven, St Peter hides behind the gates and pretends no ones in?
 
I have an amazing ability! I find objects just before people lose
them. The police, however, call it theft.
 
A man went into hospital for a risky operation.He told the surgeon
he was a little nervous, but the surgeon reassured him,
"There's only a 1 in 100 chance of anything going seriously wrong,"
he said.
"Besides, I've done 99 of these operations before and they've all
been fine."
 
Some people say the greatest feeling in the world is seeing your first born child for the first time.

Those people have clearly never had two kit-kats come out of a vending machine when you only paid for one.
 
A young man tells his mum he's fallen in love and is going to get
married. He says, "Just for fun I'm going to bring over 3 women and
you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Ok
Mum. guess which one it is." She says, "The red-head." Stunned he
says, "That's amazing, you're right. How did you know?" "I don't like
her," she says.
 
My boss came into my office today at work and said, "Can I have a
quick word please."
I said, "Zoom."
 
If you're calm whilst everyone else is panicking.
Then you haven't fully realised the seriousness of the situation.
 
Whoever said women can multi-task is talking rubbish.
I told my missus to sit down and shut up, she couldn't do either !
 
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