jokes bad or otherwise.

You know you've had too much to drink when you look at the fare metre in a taxi and think it's the time.
 
A pig walks into a bar and drinks 10 pints, as he's about to leave
the barman stops him
and says "Dont you need the toilet",
"Nah", says the pig, "I go wee wee wee all the way home.
 
A man pulls over in his van and says to man "Excuse me is there a
B&Q in Birmingham?" The man says"I'm not sure but theres 2 D's in
Dudley.
 
I bought a book on practical jokes today.
When I got it home and opened it, all the pages fell out.
 
Fat wife fell down the stairs. She went into the living room asked her husband 'Didn't you hear me fall down the stairs?' husband replied 'Sorry I thought it was the start of Eastenders'.
 
My missus says i'm immature, and we should set aside a day so that we can talk....!
Like thats gonna happen in the middle of conker season!!
 
Went to the shop earlier on and some bloke tried to attack me with some milk and cheese....... i thought how dairy.
 
Always thought parents were liars..until an apple tree grew out my
ears and my stomach exploded into a watermelon.
 
I gave my mate a Paracetamol. He said, "What's that for?"
I said, "To put in your pint."
"And why would I do that?" he replied.
I said, "Well, you've been nursing it for over an hour, I just assumed
it was ill."
 
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
They both have trunks apart from the grape.
 
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