Quotable Arkwright.....

[Louise Lawrence]

Granville! How many Ps are there in p-p-p-pepper? Is it 6ps or 7?

 

[Louise Lawrence]

This quote is from the pilot episode:
Granville, fetch your cloth! The swallows are leaving Granville and they're leaving it on our window. Get it off!

 

[Roger]

Arkwright's last words in his very last episode...

It's funny how helpless you feel dangling inches beneath the area's finest bosom and not a thing you can get a safe hold on, and believe me, I did try. Even in the depths of a very real predicament, I did try.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Whilst talking to Nurse Gladys about getting married Gladys enquires " Have you Really thought about it ??"
Arkwright " Think about it are you joking I think about it all the time I'll give you an example but this musn't go any further! "
" I was in the shop the other day serving Mrs Ellis with 6 oz of Smokey bacon "
Glady's " I love the comparison me and bacon!!"
Arkwright "You haven't heard the worse yet, I didn't realise until she'd gone , I let her walk out of the door with 6 oz of primed smoked back bacon!"
" ....................... and I'd only charged her for 4 !!!! "

 

[lotsw1984]

This is all that fire--damaged stock, isn't it?
The p--price was right!
How do you know if you don't know what's in 'em?
Because my hand automatically s--started to bid.

 

[lotsw1984]

I mean, how can you look debonair in a pinny?!
I saw the way things were going when you put r--racing transfers on your cycle clips!
I noticed when Sean Connery left, the trouble they had finding a new Bond,
I never heard my name whispered about.
I bet they never said, "Why don't we get Granville?" All I ever get is, "Granville, f--fetch your cloth!"
Listen, just mount your powerful, single--seater, gleaming black, sinister machine,
Double--0 heck?!
Get these deliveries off round the town.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Granville having been talking to Wavery Mavis about Shampoo intimately gets caught by Arkwright . "I was only talking to Mavis about which shampoo best suits her." Arkwright "Let's hope she doesn't come in for bath salts ! "

 

[Roger]

If you can't dangle when you're young, when can you dangle?

 

[wstol]

In my day, we used to get up before we went to bed.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Mrs Blewitt [our Nora] is buying a quarter of rice spots the Free Gift sign and asks Arkwright what it is . He replies its a container that comes in a number of colours asks if she has a favourite but he puts the rice in a brown paper bag charges her 16p and hands it over . She enquires " Where's my free gift? " . Arkwright replies I took the liberty of choosing it for you its the bag . "The bag !!!" Well it comes in other colours would you prefer white to match the rice or black to match the mood on your face.

 

[lotsw1984]

Time's passing us by, you know.

It's no longer springtime.

Why don't we get engaged before we've both got a moustache? While I can look at your legs without thinking of orthopaedic shoes.

Come on, let's strike while the iron's still lukewarm!

 

[Roger]

Billiard deficiency... You look in the mirror and suddenly life seems to be more pockets than balls.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

A Granville Quote " Gordon's gone he's had to go and unblock Mrs Horner's overflow " Arkwright " I'm not surprised the amount of Brown Ale she puts away!"

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Granville:- " I should be a fighter pilot flying at 30000 ft mach 6 but I imagine I'd miss the important news that George Madely got a first for his Brussel Sprouts can see them relaying that over the squawk box " .

Lifting the shirt sleeve he is ironing taking an imaginary pulse . " I'm sorry Mr Madely but you leg is so bad it will have to come off but don't worry we've managed to save you brussel sprouts!!"

 

[Roger]

I went down to get the latest Engel-Engel-ber-ber-tet-tert Engel-ber-titer-tert Humper-der-dumper-po-dink. By the time I'd managed to say it, they'd sold out.

 

[Bora Natty]

Granville! How many Ps are there in p-p-p-pepper? Is it 6ps or 7?

You beat me to it, Louise. The first time I heard it, I nearly spit my drink out..

 

[captain clutterbuck]

P-P-P-Prices S-S_Slashed , Granville fe-fe_fetch a cloth as an errand boy you have no right to have a slash on the window Oh Matron!

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Arkwright to the Nurse "How is you Mother" Nurse " She wonders and eats like a bird " Arkwright " Eats like a Bird !! yes a Pelican"

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Prior to that the Nurse saying " I can't marry you I can't leave me mother she's so frail . Arkwright " Well just leave her on a Park Bench then " Nurse punches him. Arkwright says her mother is such an ogre even her father left her . Nurse "He was killed in the War " Arkwright " Well there you go amazing the lengths he went to to get away!!"

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Mrs Featherstone is in the shop. Arkwright is looking at the squeak on the shop bike and tells Granville to serve the customers and no hanky panky with Widow Twanky!