jokes bad or otherwise.
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captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A man goes to the Doctors after making an appointment.
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind , either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgement!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Damn that's the word I was thinking of"
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind , either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgement!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Damn that's the word I was thinking of"
Peripheral
Dedicated Member
Peripheral
Dedicated Member
DUH.An apple pie in Jamaica is £1-50, Cherry pie in Barbados is £1-60.A mince pie in Trinidad is £1=80.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean !
dick
LOTSW Fanatic
The heading is jokes bad or otherwise
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and the Abbott said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."
Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, "Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words."
Brother John said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Abbot said. "We will get you a better bed."
After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. "You may say another two words, Brother John."
"Cold food," said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.
On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again call Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."
"I quit," said Brother John.
"It is probably best, you've done nothing but complain since you got here!!!"
Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, "Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words."
Brother John said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Abbot said. "We will get you a better bed."
After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. "You may say another two words, Brother John."
"Cold food," said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.
On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again call Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."
"I quit," said Brother John.
"It is probably best, you've done nothing but complain since you got here!!!"
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
George was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at George's residence.
Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at George's residence.
Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
barmpot
LOTSW Fanatic
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the military base where he was working.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone.
She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.
"Give this to your husband," he said, thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone.
She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.
"Give this to your husband," he said, thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"