jokes bad or otherwise.

My husband was water-skiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds.

My husband put his hands in the air and joked, "Don't shoot!"

The hunter responded, "Don't quack."
 
Six housewives living in the same apartment building fell into a dispute of such magnitude that it resulted in their being hauled into court. When the case was called, they all made a concerted rush for the bench; and reaching it, all broke into bitter complaints at the same moment. The judge sat momentarily stunned as charges and counter-charges filled the air.

Suddenly he rapped for order. When quiet had been restored, the patient magistrate said gently, "Now, I'll hear the oldest first."

That closed the case.
 
"This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!"

I apologized for the noise and checked him out.

A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was.

"Terrible!" They said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!"
 
Dewey heard that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.

So, on his 21st birthday, Dewey and his big brother Damon, headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.

When Dewey and Damon arrived at the lake, they rented a canoe and began paddling. When they got to the middle of the lake, Dewey stepped off of the side of the boat... and nearly drowned.

Furious and somewhat embarrassed, he and Damon headed for home.

When Dewey arrived back at the family home, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can't I walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"

His sweet old grandmother took Dewey by the hand, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January, You were born in June, dear."
 
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."

The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man, "that's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
 
My older son loves school, but his younger brother Tommy absolutely hates it. One weekend Tommy cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying and whining built to a crescendo.

At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, "Honey, it's a law. If you don't go to school, they'll put Mommy in jail."

Tommy looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, "How long would you have to stay?"
 
Waiter,waiter ! Is there spaghetti on the menu?? ……………… Just a moment sir I'll get a cloth and wipe it off!:rolling:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top