jokes bad or otherwise.

Another old one.......

My dog and I go for a tramp in the woods every day.
The dog loves it but the tramp is getting fed up with it! :me:
 
Child at dinner table: "Are caterpillars good to eat?"

Parent: "No. Why would you ask a question like that?"

Child: "Well, there was one in your salad, but it's gone now."
 
The Sunday school teacher asked her preschool class, "How many of you would like to go to Heaven?"

All the children raised their hands except Tommy. The teacher asked Tommy why he wouldn't like to go to Heaven.

Tommy answered, "I'm sorry, but I can't. My mother told me to come right home after Sunday school."
 
You know all the cars that have a bumper sticker that say, "Being of sound mind, I've spent it all"?

Well, I did that, but now I don't any money left to buy the bumper sticker.
 
A priest was invited to attend a house party. Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."
 
Not sure if already posted:

A job seeker filling out an application came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"

The applicant wrote: "No."

The next question was intended for those who had answered in the affirmative: "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
 
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.

In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
 
Father: "Son, you need to be more industrious. After all, when Abraham Lincoln was your age he was out splitting rails."

Son: "I know, Dad. And when he was your age, he was President."
 
A grandfather walking past his young granddaughter's room one night saw her
kneeling beside her bed, with head bowed and hands folded, repeating the
alphabet.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

She explained, "I'm saying my prayers, but I couldn't think just what to
pray for. So I'm just saying all the letters of the alphabet, and God can
put them together however he thinks best."
 
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong sermon on the devil.

One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"

The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out, it's probably just your dad.?
 
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