jokes bad or otherwise.

The waiter asked, "Would you like to hear today's special?"
"Yes please," I smiled.
"Today is special," he replied, then walked off.
 
People say gambling ruins lives but it's brought our family closer.
We had to move to a 1 bedroom flat.
 
A GEORGE joke that got lost in the move.....
Its one for the money, two for the show; three to get ready and
four to hold the line and wait for an advisor ;D :wink:
 
Decided to learn some French to get into the spirit of things.
Today I learned hors d'oeuvres....... and that was just for starters.
 
I got pulled over by a female police officer. When i rolled down my window to ask what was wrong,she said...
"NOTHING!"
 
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
 
I wanted to make a rectangular coffee table today but I ended up making a circular one in half the time.
I cut a few corners.
 
Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died surrounded by his family
 
I bought a trolley from the supermarket for £1-00, It didn't last 5 minutes .! The wheel seized up at the end of the car park!! :12:
 
I went to the doctor today and said, "Every time I close my eyes I see pink striped tigers."
"Have you seen a psychiatrist?" he asked.
"No," I replied, "just pink striped tigers."
 
I went to the doctors today and said, "My leg keeps talking to me and asking me to lend it money."
The doctor replied, "I think your leg is broke."
 
Went to the barbers today and asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise the barber gave me a cushion to sit on.
 
I went downstairs this morning and there was a letter on the mat saying "To The Occupier".
So I forwarded it to Russia.
 
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