jokes bad or otherwise.

George said:
Husband: 'When I die, will you marry again?'
Wife: 'Yes I hate being alone.'
Husband: 'Will you let him drive my car?'
Wife: 'I think so.'
Husband: 'Will you let him sit in my chair?'
Wife:'Yes'
Husband: 'Will you let him wear my suits?'
Wife: 'No, he is shorter than you.
Click to expand...

25r30wi.gif
 
A little girl was in church with her mum when she started feeling
ill.
"I think I'm going to be sick"
"Go out round the back of the church and do it there."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"That was quick" said her Mum.
"I didn't have to go out of the church,she replied, "They have a box
next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
 
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.
 
It is said that the Town of Northampton was originally called Norse Hampton after the Vikings settled here, this was subsequently taken back by the Kingdom of Mercia prior to the Norman invasion.

The Mercia victory led to rejoicing amongst the villagers, and caused great excitement among the female populous when the victorious Mercian general opened his victory speech in a loud booming voice with the proclamation "I have the Hampton of a Norse"
 
A man asked for a drink. The barman gave him some peanuts with his
drink.From peanuts he heard a voice say, "You look great."Then he
man went to the cigarette machine and heard a voice from the machine
say, "You are really ugly." The man told the barman about the voices,
and the barman said, "The peanuts were complimentary, but the cigarette
machine is just out of order."
 
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
 
A snake goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman tells him he can't serve him "Why not" say's the snake. The barman tells him it´s because he can't hold his drink.
 
How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They're convinced that the light will come back on soon.
 
“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.
“Keep it,” the clerk advises. “When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.”
 
A dad and his son go into a shop when the boy sees the condoms. He
asks his dad why there are so many different boxes. The dad says,"The
3-pack is for when you're in high school, 2 for Friday night,1 for
Saturday night."
He then asks his dad "What's the 6-pack for?"
The dad says 'that's for when you're in college,2 for Friday night,
2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
Then he asks his dad what the 12-pack is for. His dad replies, "that's
for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February....
 
The owner of a Chemist shop walks in to find a man leaning against
a wall.
The owner asks the assistant, "What's wrong with him?"
The assistant says, "He came in to get something for his cough.I couldn't
find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxatives."
"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The assistant says, "Oh yes? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
 
A couple returned from honeymoon and they weren't speaking.The mans
best mate asks what's wrong.
"When we finished making love on the first night, I got up to use
the bathroom, I put £50 on the pillow without thinking."
His mate said"I'm sure she'll get over it."
The man said, "I don't know if I will..she gave me £20 change"
 
A Brief History Of Medicine
How to cure earache
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2010 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
 
A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor't; says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!" says the doctor."I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
 
A man and his wife were having a row about who should brew the coffee. The husband said, " You do the cooking here so you should do it." The wife replied, "You should do it, it says in the Bible that the man makes the coffee." The husband replied, "Yeah, right!" So she showed him in the Bible where it says: "HEBREWS"
 
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