jokes bad or otherwise.

An old man is sitting on the train continuously drumming his fingers on the window.
"Excuse me," says the man sitting opposite, "that drumming is really getting on my nerves. Could you stop, please?"
"Sorry," says the old man, "it's because of something I got during the war."
Beside the old man is an even older man who keeps rubbing his thumb against his the tip of his index finger.
"I suppose you got that from the war too," says the man sitting opposite, irritably.
"Nah," says the old man, "I got it out my nose."
 
I said to my granddad, "Don't you think you're driving a bit too fast."
He said, "My memory isn't what it used to be."
I said "What's that got to do with it?"
He said, "I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I'm going."
 
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel
Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs
were deducted from the employee's pay.

She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years
salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full
premiums."

"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such
benefits," the interviewer replied.

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
 
After being attacked by the Essex lion, a girl was asked by the paramedic where she was bleeding from.
She replied "I'm from bleedin' Southend!"
 
Found that Essex lion hiding in our wardrobe. Asked him what he was up to?
'Narnia business', he said.
 
Sometimes when I can't sleep I try counting sheep, but my ADHD is a nightmare.
One sheep, two sheep, dog, pig, old McDonald, Hey Macarena!
 
My son said, "I just don't understand girls."
I told him, "Don't worry, that'll change."
"Will it?"
"Yes, when you get older, you won't understand women."
 
Two nails are standing side by side on a plank of wood. One turns to his mate and asks, "Where's Rusty?"
His mate replies worriedly, "I don't know. I just heard a loud bang and he was gone!"
 
Archaeologists digging a Pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche.
 
Archaeologists digging a Pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts. Experts believe it to be Pharaoh Roche.
Click to expand...

LOL George! That had me in stitches! ;D
 
I hate it when new parents ask me who their baby looks like.
It was born 2 days ago, it looks like a potato.
 
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.
 
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