jokes bad or otherwise.

I saw a film once about a female servant in Eastern Europe.

It was called 'Maid In China'.
 
A farmer was milking his cow.

He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder.
 
Pizza Delivery Kid: "Here's your pizza, sir!"

Grouchy Customer: "What's the usual tip?"

Pizza Kid: "I'm new at this, but the other guys said if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."

Grouchy Guy: "Is that so? In that case, here's five dollars."

Pizza Kid: "Thanks, I'll put it in my college fund."

Grouchy Guy: "College, eh? What are you studying?"

Pizza Kid: "Applied psychology."
 
Little Johnny did not know that his family was poor.

One day he came to school wearing just one shoe. The teacher asked, "Johnny, did you lose a shoe?"

"No ma'am," he said, "I found one."
 
Did you hear about the two air-heads who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
 
A woman walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher how much a pound of tenderloin is.

"£12 per pound," replies the butcher.

"Are you sure? That can't be," says the lady.

"Look, madam, it says right here on the card that it's £12 per pound."

"But that seems so high compared to other butchers in the area."

"Lady, maybe they gave you the price for a poorer cut of beef."

"No, the butcher across the street said it was £9 per pound," she says.

"Well, then, why don't you go buy it there?" asks the butcher.

"Because they are all out."

"Well, when I'm all out, I sell it for £8 per pound," retorts the butcher.
 
"Have you lost weight?" I asked my wife.
"What makes you say that?" She replied.
"That gun you've got pointed at my head," I said.
 
A woman came up to me in a club.
"Mind if I take your picture?" she asked.
"Not at all!" I said. "Is it for you?"
"No," she replied, "it's for my friend. She's been struggling to come to terms with her homosexuality, and this will help her realise she's made the right choice. Say cheese!"
 
Even after thirty years of marriage, my wife's still a real good looker.
No matter where I hide my money, she always finds it.
 
I was in the shop today, and there was a little boy crying because he wanted some chocolate buttons.
"I haven't got enough money," his mother said to him.
"I've got some spare change on me, I'll buy them," I said to her.
"Are you sure about that?," she said.
"Of course," I replied, "I haven't had chocolate buttons in ages, so it'll be a nice treat for me."
 
After giving this cheeky sod a thumping outside the pub I was feeling quite pleased with myself.
"I don't know why you're so smug," said my mate. "It was hardly a fair fight was it?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, look at the size of you," he said. "You're about six foot four. What was he? Five six at most?"
"Don't be stupid! He was at least twelve or thirteen!"
 
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