jokes bad or otherwise.

A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had.

"Eight," he replied.

The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"

The man replied, "Not if I can help it."
 
A 5-year-old boy mistakenly stepped into the women's dressing room at the health club. Women screamed and grabbed their towels. The little one asked, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a kid before?"
 
The couple's young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To her mother's distress, the cat began to use the back of their new sofa as a scratching post.

"Don't worry," her husband reassured her. "I'll have him trained in no time."

They watched for several days as he patiently "trained" their new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, he deposited the cat outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
 
The N Korea/S Korea flag debacle wasn't a great start to things.
But they got the Swiss flag right, which is a big plus
 
Just heard some early news from the Olympics. It seems that, following a record-breaking practice session, the North Korean Pole Vault Champion has just become the South Korean Pole Vault Champion
 
A woman has sued a hospital stating that after recent treatment her husband had lost interest in sex.
The doctors replied: 'All we did was correct his eye sight'
 
With just 75 metres left and the finishing line in sight, I ran out of energy and collapsed.
The crowd tried to cheer me on, but it was no use. As I lay on the track heartbroken and exhausted, I couldn't help thinking...
Maybe the 100m sprint just isn't my event.
 
My mate was looking through my DVD collection. "What's 'Fight Club'? I've never heard of it." he said.
“I don't want to talk about it” I replied
 
A couple of lads tried to get into my car last night so I attacked them with a baseball bat.
I'm just not cut out to be a taxi driver.
 
My mate's getting married next week.
He told his fiance he would set a date the day he saw the Queen jump out of a helicopter.
 
Scientists have found that putting the phrase "Scientists have found" in front of statements will make people read it.
 
Yu Yang says she'll quit badminton after being disqualified.
Yu first found fame as the only Christmas present Mariah Carey wanted
 
I've just told my mate he's in the Guinness world records for being the most gullible person in the world
He's checking it now
 
I complained to a member of staff at McDonalds "You've charged me 40 quid for this meal when it says 3.99 on the menu".
"Yes, it's the Olympic Special" he explained.
 
They have given over 150,000 condoms to the Olympic athletes.
That's one event I would love tickets for.
 
So you want to quit school, do you, son? Just remember these two things. First of all, as your father, I'll love you no matter what you decide. Second, and more importantly......
I'll always want extra pickles on my Big Mac.
 
Some bloke just offered me two tickets to see the Equestrian Dressage final.
Well, I bit his hand off.
Why the hell would I want to see that?
 
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