jokes bad or otherwise.

I was in Tescos today and i fell into the fish freezer.

I was stuck inbetween a Rock and a hard Plaice....
 
I bought Asda own brand Cornflakes the other day. It said on the box, "Made from 100% recycled paper."
 
At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled......
"Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.
 
My mate was doing the crossword and he asked "What's the name for a small part of a tree that protrudes from the trunk?"
I said "Twig?"
He said "No, it's knot."
 
An American tourist came up to me and said "Excuse me have you got 6 cents?" "Yes" I replied "I can see dead people"
 
Now you tell me.. After 36 years I got use to all the bossing around. Also the most expensive is to get divorced so i will stick to married life. LOL
 
Got pulled over for speeding on one of those new 'olympic lanes' the other day.
Earned me six points and a bronze medal.
 
What's the difference between iron man and iron woman?
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is an order that can get your head caved in..
 
Trying to be on a strict diet I decided to take it seriously and when in the restsurant i asked the waiter for Diet Water..... He thought I was joking around.
 
When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
 
An eleven year old child managed to board a plane to Rome by himself and without a passport.
Staff were first alerted the child was alone when a stewardess was hit in the face with a can of paint on a rope.
 
I can't wait for the Men's diving to start this Summer... or the 'football season' as it's otherwise known.
 
"I'm sorry I'm home late mum," says Alan, "I got detention for not paying attention."
"Oh Alan," she replies, "how many times do I have to tell you ?
I'm not your mum, and you live next door."
 
It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London. A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus," and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder. "Waddington-Smythe, England," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland," he says: "Fencing."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top