jokes bad or otherwise.

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Meter Officers funeral, a voice from inside said "let me out let me out I`m not dead, let me out" The Vicar smiled and leans forward and mutters "Too late mate the paperworks already done"
 
I told my psychiatrist I have this terrible feeling that I'm covered in gold paint.

She told me not to worry, it's just a gilt complex.
 
Seen in the paper...............................No one will win the battle of the sexes! There is too much fraternising with the enemy !;)
........ HENRY KISSINGER !........
 
Why cant your nose be 12 inches long ?? Because it would then be a foot !:39:
 
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be
 
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