Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel and Vladimir Putin all died and, as former world leaders, were being given a tour of hell
While there, they saw a red phone and asked what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million rubles, so Putin writes him a cheque.
Next Angela Merkel calls Germany and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million euros , so she writes him a cheque.
Finally Boris gets his turn to call the UK and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is £5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Boris got to call UK so cheaply. The devil smiled and replied: "Since Boris took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
The Irish Railway Company
The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company - Larnrod Eireann.
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the
transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are
confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of
Numbers, 22nd Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That.... gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
(Numbers 22: 21-22)
Angela Merkel is in London for the G7 conference . When work is done for the day her husband and her retire to the Hotel Cocktail bar . At the bar Angela asks for two martinis , "Dry?" the barman asks , " Nein! Zwei! " Angela answers.