jokes bad or otherwise.

I was taking my cow to sell at the market and the same guy has approached me five times wanting me to swap it for a bag of 'magic beans'.
I think he's been stalking me.
 
SPOTTED IN THE SUNDAY EXPRESS :)
(Genuine) Job Performance Reviews.............

He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them.

If he were any more stupid he'd need watering twice a week!!

The wheels turning but the hamster is dead!

If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you'd get change.

Since my last report this employee has reached rock bottom and started to dig!!

His men would follow him anywhere,but only out of morbid curiosity!

This employee is really not so much of a has been ,more of a definite wont be!!

Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap!!

When she opens her mouth its only to change feet!!

If you see two people talking and one looks bored,...he is the other one!

A photographic memory,but the lens cover is glued on!! ;)
 
Great moment in history: Sir Isaac Newton sitting under his tree, and suddenly an apple drops out of it.
"How amazing!" he says. "I always thought it was an oak tree."
 
An Arab and a Jamaican go into a local bakery shop.

The Arab steals 3 pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jamaican, "See how good I am?
The owner didn't see anything!"

The Jamaican says to the Arab, " Listen man I show you there is nobody betta than a Jamaican."

He goes to the owner and says,"Give me a pastry
and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and give him a pastry.

The Jamaican swallows it and ask for another one.

The owner gives him another one.

Then the Jamaican asks for another one and
swallows it just the same.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic
trick is and says, "What did you do with the pastry?

The Jamaican answers, ......….

"Look in the Arab's pocket."
 
maltrab said:
An Arab and a Jamaican go into a local bakery shop.

The Arab steals 3 pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jamaican, "See how good I am?
The owner didn't see anything!"

The Jamaican says to the Arab, " Listen man I show you there is nobody betta than a Jamaican."

He goes to the owner and says,"Give me a pastry
and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and give him a pastry.

The Jamaican swallows it and ask for another one.

The owner gives him another one.

Then the Jamaican asks for another one and
swallows it just the same.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic
trick is and says, "What did you do with the pastry?

The Jamaican answers, ......….

"Look in the Arab's pocket."
Click to expand...
;) ;) Nice one. ;D ;D
 
"I see you've woken up on the wrong side of the bed", said my wife.
"Shut up", I replied, "and get this mattress off me."
 
My wife says she wants to go away for longer than 2 weeks this summer.
So I've planted a dead body in the boot of her car.
 
The firing of a North Korean rocket is thought to be imminent as satellite images show the launch controller standing well back.
 
My wife is going to Turkey tomorrow for a fortnight and is worried she won't be able to understand the locals.I told her they won't be able to get a word in anyway.
 
I was up at the golf club this weekend and had my worst round in ages.
They made me buy two shandy's, a diet lemonade and a Cinzano.
 
David Cameron says Britain is prepared if North Korea launches a nuclear attack.
Dave mate, we weren't prepared for snow at winter...
 
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