Health and fitness.

[Peripheral]

Good day to everyone and best wishes all round for a nice day. I have been absent for a few days because I have been doing some serious training. I am having a better week and taking walks, around the house, the inside, not the outside. Too cold and wet for that. I am getting much fitter, I can now open both eyes together instead of one at a time

. I will be going into training next week for the snail marathon which takes place in July. It is a race between me and the snails to the top of the drive and back. Last year Victoria won but was later disqualified because she used her mobility cart.

.... Yesterday I had a look at myself in the mirror, nude. I was quite shocked, I do not have muscles in places where I no longer have places. I flexed my body and the mirror burst into laughter. It did a John McEnroe and shouted 'YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS'. The doctor called to see me the other day to check my feet which recently have been very painfuI.
"Do think I have athletes foot?" I asked him. Don't know why but he promptly fell on the floor amid roars of laughter. I no longer have bags under my eyes, they are now more like suitcases. My arms used to reach down to my knee caps but these days they don't even reach my very outdated wedding equipment which can be very awkward when nature calls. HA, that's a laugh, it doesn't call these days, not since it has taken up football. If you are as old as me you will know what I mean, it just dribbles. Must close now as the nurse is due to call and give me the kiss of life. Getting old does have some advantages.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

. I will be going into training next week for the snail marathon

Peri and Victoria are celebrating 25 years together and Peri wants to do something special so he asks Victoria what she would really like to eat . " I've never tried snails and I really would like to" . So Peri sets off to the market where he finds a shop selling live snails and buys a bucket full . On his way home he stops for a coffee and gets talking to a really attractive young lady who invites him back to her place .

Well one thing leads to another and they end up making passionate love for hours . Suddenly Peri realises Victoria is waiting for the snails so he says his goodbyes and hot foots it home . He knocks on the door and hears a very angry Victoria stomping to answer it, he's so nervous he drops the bucket and all the snails fall out . When Victoria answers the door he utters " Come on boys just a few more steps and we'll be there!"