I was wondering what the response would be to having a Gorgeous Granddad competition? We could all submit a photo of ourselves dressed in some brightly coloured apparel and let the ladies decide who they would prefer to spend a holiday with in some exotic far-flung isle of paradise. I once won a granddad competition. It wasn't a gorgeous granddad competition, it was a Gruesome Granddad competition. My photograph was the reason that the judges, all ladies, had to be rushed into intensive care at the nearest hospital. Half of them had to placed in care homes and have constant attention to try and aid recovery. Two of them had to be treated by Spec-savers after their spectacles had shattered when they looked at my picture. After that, the competition was never held again but I did get a five-year contract with the Hammer House of Horror film company. My best role was playing Dracula in a film where I bit the ladies on the bosom instead of the neck. It was a musical the hit song of which was 'Fangs For the Mammary'.