Well, today I have heard everything. Pay attention please while I update you on the latest news I heard this morning on the TV whilst indulging in my snakes toenail cereal. There I was, munching steadily when I became aware of the newscaster announcing that a certain someone was pushing to get a new tax passed according to how much space a person's body is needed when they are away from home. It is, apparently, to be called a Flab-tax. Anyone over a certain weight are to be taken to the nearest hospital where height, weight and mobility will be checked. Special attention will be paid to their belly size and their waist will be checked on a Girthometer. A tax will be imposed according to the amount of time overweight people spend outside their home. Anyone refusing to comply with this tax will be taken to Bridlington where they will be rolled off the top of Flamborough head into the sea. I assume that you can all see the drawback with this. Imagine, rolling thousands of fat people off Flamborough head. The splash would result in a tsunami of such magnitude that a new lake would be formed between the North and Irish seas. The need for this tax was dreamed up by a football team manager who estimated that he could get another 4 supporters in the ground if everyone was slim. It is only a small club, Littlehampton Wanderers, but 4 extra supporters would double their takings. If you are in any doubt about your size then pop along to your nearest clinic where, for a small fee, you can have a free assessment. If you have to turn sideways to get through the door then go home as quickly as possible before you are picked up by Wesley's mobile salad strainer.