I was on the M6 years ago when a HGV carrying Vicks Vapour rub overturned, spewing the whole contents across both carriageways. There was no congestion for 8 hours......
jokes bad or otherwise.
- Thread starter George
- Start date
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick.
She still isn't talking to me.
She still isn't talking to me.
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Dedicated Member
Have you ever seen a picture of a raffle?
They draw them every time.
They draw them every time.
Do you know what really gets my goat?
A shepherd!
A shepherd!
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Paddy says to Murphy " Here you know if I came to your house and made passionate love to your wife and she got pregnant and had a baby would it be right that makes us Cousins? "
Murphy replies " No Paddy to be sure that's not right , but I guess that would make us Even!"
Murphy replies " No Paddy to be sure that's not right , but I guess that would make us Even!"
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Yorkshire Humour
Steve Cram, Daley Thompson and Tessa Sanderson go round to Seb Coe's house for tea . Steve took the Fish , Tessa to the chips and Daley the mushy peas . They sit down and are about to start eating when there's a loud knock at the door so Daley goes and answers . The rest shout "Who is it ??" . Daley replies "it's Fatima wi "T" bread"
Steve Cram, Daley Thompson and Tessa Sanderson go round to Seb Coe's house for tea . Steve took the Fish , Tessa to the chips and Daley the mushy peas . They sit down and are about to start eating when there's a loud knock at the door so Daley goes and answers . The rest shout "Who is it ??" . Daley replies "it's Fatima wi "T" bread"
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After a spate of crimes in our area, the police are now looking for a little man with one eye. You'd have thought they would use both eyes!
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
A Farmer is distraught having found his cows frozen in the field this week , he drops to his knees and prays for help . At that a lady appears waves her arm towards the field , the snow melts and the cows trot towards the gate . The farmer is crying with sheer emotion and turns to the woman saying " Thank you so so much , Are you Magic" " No lad " she replied "I'm Thora Hird"
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Mum's been looking after the plants in our garden just lately. I hope she's not kissed by the tulips!
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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper!
Adanor
Dedicated Member
An embarrassed zebra.
captain clutterbuck
LOTSW Fanatic
Paddy goes for a job on the building site and the Foreman says "I have two questions for you and if you answer them correctly you get the job"
" Can you make tea?" Paddy replies " To be sure Sir I can make the Tea no problem at all Sir "
"Well can you drive a Fork Lift truck?" Paddy replies " Why how big is the £$%^& Teapot ?"
" Can you make tea?" Paddy replies " To be sure Sir I can make the Tea no problem at all Sir "
"Well can you drive a Fork Lift truck?" Paddy replies " Why how big is the £$%^& Teapot ?"