jokes bad or otherwise.

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are on the run for the Police and they run into a Farmer's barn where they find some large sacks into which they climb to hide from the Police. The police come in , see the sacks and aim a kick at the first at which the Englishman Meows . The Policeman says " move on its just a cat" which they do and one kicks the second sack at which the Scotsman barks . The Policeman says "move on its just a dog" which they do and one kicks the third sack at which the Irishman shouts "Potato!!" :08:
 
A new prisoner is placed in his cell. Before long it is time for "lights out" and the cellblock becomes dark and nearly silent.

Eventually a voice from the darkness cries out: "Twenty-two!" and everyone breaks out into raucous laughter. A while later another voice calls out "Forty-one!" and again the entire cellblock hoots and roars.
The new prisoner asks the guy in the next cell: "What's going on?"

The guy says: "We've been here so long, we all know each other's jokes. So we assigned numbers to them, and when we want to tell a joke we just use the number."

The new prisoner decides to give it a try. He calls out: "Eighteen!"

No response whatsoever ... not even a snicker.

The guy in the next cell says: "Some people just don't know how to tell a joke."
 
Same joke - new punch line

A new prisoner is placed in his cell. Before long it is time for "lights out" and the cellblock becomes dark and nearly silent.

Eventually a voice from the darkness cries out: "Twenty-two!" and everyone breaks out into raucous laughter. A while later another voice calls out "Forty-one!" and again the entire cellblock hoots and roars.
The new prisoner asks the guy in the next cell: "What's going on?"

The guy says: "We've been here so long, we all know each other's jokes. So we assigned numbers to them, and when we want to tell a joke we just use the number."

The new prisoner calls out "Ninety-eight" and sets off uproarious laughter, much more than the other numbers. So he asks the guy in the next cell why that was.

Through barely-controlled mirth, he replies, "Nobody had heard that one before."
 
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
 
Have you noticed?
All those instruments that are seeking intelligent life in the universe -- telescopes, radio antennas, cameras, detectors -- they're all pointed away from Earth.
 
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."

"Oh, great," the man said, "What is it?"

"It's called the door."
 
A nursery school teacher was delivering a minivan full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
 
It was the final day at school and all the children brought a present for the teacher which they gave her one by one. First up was the Florists daughter the teacher shook the box and asked is it Flowers. "Yes its is Miss" . "Thank you so much " the Teacher replied. Second was the Sweet Shop owner's son again the Teacher shook the box and asks if it was sweets. "Yes its is Miss" . "Thank you so much " the Teacher replied.

The final one up is the Off Licence owner's Son and the Teacher shook the box and held it up and noticed it was leaking so she rubbed her finger along the box an licked it. " Is it Wine?" "No" the child replied . "Is it Champagne then? " "No" replied the child . "Well I give up what is it?" " It's a kitten" the child replied
 
A Ventriloquist is on his way to a gig when he stops off at a Farm to rest up after a long drive . He decides that he will practice his skills on the Farmer so he asks him if he can talk to his dog. The Farmer says " I think you might struggle the dog doesn't talk but hey I'll call him over. " Well the dog comes over and the Ventriloquist asks the dog what he thinks of the Farmer. " Well he is just great he feeds me , scratches my belly , takes me for walks and throws a ball for me to chase and bring back , I love him. "

" Its not only the dog that talks if you'll let me we can talk to the Horse . " The Farmer is absolutely astonished but agrees so they head off to the stable. "Hello Mr Horse how are you today and what do you think of the Farmer." the Ventriloquist asks . The Horse replies " Well I just love him he feeds me hay and oats he puts a blanket over me to keep me warm, he has given me a lovely stable to live in and he lets me run across the fields for exercise. "

The Farmer is astounded so the Ventriloquist , needing more practice, asks if they can go and talk to the sheep. At this the Farmer says " No!!! Those sheep are nasty and they tell lies"
 
A man was driving home from the bar weaving all over the road. A Cop stopped him and asked," Do you know a few intersections back your wife fell out of your car?"

The drunk replied," Thank Heavens. I thought I'd gone deaf."
 
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