A fellow decided to buy his girl some perfume for Valentine's day, so he went to the cosmetic counter in his girl's favorite store. The prices were horrific! No matter what the sales lady showed him, even the tiniest bottles were beyond his budget.
Finally, he asked her: "Can you show me something really cheap?"
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my chest sags to my waist, my rear is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby."
She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice, "Well...there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."