Variety, the spice of life.

Peripheral

Dedicated Member
This morning I was rudely awakened by my next door neighbour having a violent sneezing fit. At the time I was having such a wonderful dream. I was on the pillion of Glenda's motor cycle with my arms around her waist and she of course was dressed in her motor cycle gear. At this point I must ask someone to check on Dick's welfare, you know how excited he gets when he thinks about Glenda in her gear. I don't want him to burst a haricot vein. Haricot vein? Where have I heard that before? .... Back to my story. As I said the fella next door had a violent sneezing fit during which his false teeth shot out and smashed his double glazing before landing on a cows backside which was stood on his drive. My neighbour can't get to the shop because of lock down so he has his milk delivered. He likes it fresh. This morning was different, there was a herd of cows in the street. I opened my bedroom window to stick my head out and noticed that my neighbour had done the same thing.
"That's a lot of milk you're having delivered," I called.
"Yes," he said, "I'm having a bath in cows milk".
"Oh, do you have it pasteurized"? I asked.
"PAST MY EYES?" he exclaimed, "No, just up to my chin. I don't want to drown myself!".
I wished him a nice day and descended the stairs on the chair lift, all the time thinking about my neighbour having a bath in udder pudder. They say that variety is the spice of life so I decided to do something different but, what could I do? I'm only capable of staring out of the window due to my incapability. After much consideration I decided what I would do. I turned my chair 180 degrees so that the window was behind me and I placed a full length mirror against the wall so that I could watch the birds on the waterfall in the garden I almost died of excitement when a wood pigeon landed on the window sill to catch bugs. All was well till I started to doze. The postman came with a parcel and almost knocked the door down. Why I paid forty quid for a Westminster chime doorbell with a push button the size of a dustbin lid I will never know. Startled I jumped up to try and answer the door. I forgot that I was now back to front and walked into the mirror. OH, by poor doze took the full force of the impact and started to bleed. The postman banged on the door again almost knocking it off the hinges. Our budgie, Joey, helped me to the door. I opened the door and the postman took one look at me and said,
"Your nose is bleeding".
I grimaced and said, "So is yours".
He rubbed his hooter and told me,
"My nose isn't bleeding". Two seconds later I looked down at him laid on the path and told him,
"IT IS NOW".
Well, variety is the spice of life. I will have a shower tomorrow if I can get a cow's udder hooked up to it.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
 
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