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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define 'great' he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in...

Teacher: If you have 10 muffins and your friend takes 2 of them, how many muffins would you have left? Me: 10 Teacher: Okay, let me try again. You have 10 muffins. What if your friend takes 2 of your muffins, how many would you have left? Me: Still 10 muffins... and 1 injured friend.

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? Answer: Johnny, of course 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh...

One day while driving through a neighborhood near his church, Pastor John saw a little boy on a front porch, struggling trying to reach the doorbell. Feeling like he needed to help the young fellow, he stopped his car and got out to help. He pressed the doorbell for him and said, in a teaching...

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, I can't find them

Our parish priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed. It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had...

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked. He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about...

I prefer the more rounded tones of Mister Blamire

Terry totally true. When I was a consultant trainer one of my clients was company in the Calder Valley whose only output was junk mail This was well over twelve years ago (officially retired in 2007 although had effectively laid down my lecturing role by about 2005). This company had been going...

Since so little grown the top of my pate I think I can safely say I shall not be following this trend! there again if anyone saw my sartorial approach would know - fashionable is not the word. I perfected my style about 1966 and have stuck with it. Even the gentlemen's EDT dates from 1966!

Why it's Wally Batty, yes it's Wally Batty (E;i)

As I am quite involved with railways it had an added interest for me. Richard Spendlove who wrote some of the episodes and appeared as the Superintendent was a former railway worker himself so a lot was quite near the truth. Also my father and grandfather were both employees of the Southern...

That should have said morose signalman - stupid typing ....

Ah I actually have spare shelves - I have run out of wall to put them on although that saves redecorating!!

I shall tell Matron!

only the benefit of an older brother "the brains of the family" to quote ...

I am sure Foggy would not be so mean ....

I suspect that part of that was due to insuring ageing actors. They were similar age and thus most of their scenes were indoors - I think they used a special backdrop for scenes meant to be outside, thus inside Cleggy's house became a convenient location - of course, I could be lying!!

of course their local river would be either the Calder or the Holme I think ...

can not buy any more books - run out of shelf space ...