jokes bad or otherwise.

I got rid of a huge fly with my slipper.
I said, "You can have this slipper if you get out of my house."
 
A man goes to collect his prescription at the chemist and they ask him his name:
"Tho-Tho-Thomas Mo-Mo-Mo-Morrison."
"Ah, you've got a bad stutter there sir.”
"No, the stutterer was my dad, and the registrar thought he was a comedian."
 
I bought a sat nav while on holiday in Oz which I tried it when I got home, but it must be broken.
All it says is, "Follow the yellow brick road... Follow the yellow brick road..."
 
OOPS ADS PLACED IN NEWSPAPERS from our American Correspondent

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

And now, the Superstore--unequalled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivalled inconvenience.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Christmas tag-sale: Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.

For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
 
I didn't have time to read through all 116 pages yet, but my favorite joke of all time.....


Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
 
David Cameron has attempted to calm growing panic over the potential petrol shortage by announcing the appointment of Clive Dunn from Dad's Army as Minister For Fuel.
 
My mate stuck two tennis balls down his pants to try and impress the ladies, but they all ran away..
I told him to try putting them down the front next time.
 
George said:
My mate stuck two tennis balls down his pants to try and impress the ladies, but they all ran away..
I told him to try putting them down the front next time.
Click to expand...

That's hitting below the belt.... LOL
 
Man walks into a pub with his dog, barman says "No pets allowed mate" fella says "But he is a special dog, he does a backflip every time Everton score" "Bloody hell" the barman says "What happens if they win a cup?" "Dunno" the fella replies "I've only had him 17 years"
 
So it turns out that the petrol panic buyers were actually right and there is indeed a shortage.
April fuels.
 
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