Favourite Arkwright selling ruses

  • Thread starter captain clutterbuck
  • Start date
C

captain clutterbuck

Guest
Arkwright like Auntie has many cunning plans and subterfuges to sell things to customers and I wondered which were the most memorable to you . As a start I will offer up the black lead which he tells the Customers [one of them is Chuffer an the other is Biff Hemingway in our beloved show ] that it restores hair . I love the line from Chuffer when he says that when he bends over his wife thinks he looks like a cannon.
 
Love the interaction with Cyril especially the one with sign free gift with every purchase and Cyril selects the sweets only to be told that the free gift is a paper bag to put the sweets in which he is outraged with . Arkwright concedes but I think manages to sell him a hand mirror to check the flecks in his eyes so Cyril would be able to keep it from his wife and do it privately.
 
The episode with the Victor Vac salesman is a real favourite. After coming out of the shop having had a second failed attempt to sell another Victor Vac product, again adorned by another box of groceries, he gives this wonderfully funny speech to a little boy who is perched outside the shop.

It is along the lines of " Why bother ! I am up at five, shaved, suited , armed with diplomas in selling. I am a top salesman of the Victor Vac company. I've won awards for selling and then you meet a rock hard pillock like him " followed by him banging his head on the van , the little boy giggles away . It is just wonderful writing and acting.
 
After the ruse of the pick and mix bag with Cyril, Arkwright says " He comes in here groggy with sleep " "Who ?" "You have bloodshot eyes they look like stewed Rhubarb , here take a look" [he hands Cyril a picket mirror] Cyril has passed him a Note to pay for the sweets Arkwright gives him loose change " Don't worry I've taken the 49p for the Mirror" " You What!!" " Can I help it Cyril if you are too late fro the January Sales!"
 
To shift his fig biscuits after hearing gossip from Mrs Blewitt[our very own Nora] about woman in the street and her fancy man he tells her he knew the lady was like that and it was bound to happen because anyone who had a clean reputation and was held up as a pillar of virtue would always buy Fig Biscuits and the lady in question never did. Forcing her to show she was virtuous , Mrs Blewitt smilingly asks for a packet . :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top