Peripheral
Dedicated Member
Here in the UK, we are being subjected to all kinds of BAD weather, rain, sleet, snow, gales, storms and all manner of things that want to make you stay in bed. On top of that, it is very cold. A guy who lives down the street called Timothy, {funny name for a street, Timothy}, wears a toupee and is known as Timothy Toupee the Terror because his wig is green and he always wears it back to front. This results in the effect that his face is covered in what appears to be a green growth and women run away screaming. Yesterday he ventured out into the gale-force winds, to go to the shop to buy some Compo type wellies in readiness for the snow, and his wig blew off. Must have been because he was eating too many beans. The wig landed on top of a white dog riding a skateboard. The dog's vision was obscured and it inadvertently ran over the toes of a grocery delivery man carrying a tray full of custard cream doughnuts. The doughnuts shot in all directions and one of them landed in the low cut blouse of a 'business' woman who was promptly covered in custard and surrounded by men offering to clean it off for her. In spite of my bad legs I was first in line and got the job of cleaning her cleavage. It turns out that the woman was a Russian agent called Kuman Likkitoff which is exactly what I did. Timothy the Toupee Terror had to spend thousands on a hair transplant, the delivery man had to go to A&E to have his foot put in plaster, the dog had his skateboard confiscated and I was admitted to hospital with a severe case of ecstasy. Does anybody want to buy some slightly soiled windblown custard cream doughnuts?