The new vac.

[Peripheral]

Hi, I must tell you about our new vacuum cleaner. Our old one was getting too heavy for us to manoeuvre. It was a mains operated one and times many Victoria got the mains lead wrapped around her feet and finished up vacuuming the ceiling instead of the floor. Well, I bought her a ???? I don't know whether I'm allowed to advertise on here so I will just say that I bought her the top of the range. She opened the box it came in, which I must say was a big disappointment because for what it cost I had expected it to be wrapped in gold foil.
"Where's the mains lead?" Victoria asked and simultaneously screwing up her face. She had to screw it up because, like me, she is getting on and bits are starting to come loose. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, her nose fell off and is now somewhere in the new vac. I told her it was battery operated and that it didn't need a mains lead. She was overjoyed with her new toy. It has a very strong suction. VERY STRONG. Well, to tell you the truth, the third time she used it she put the battery in upside down and instead of sucking it blew. She was last seen doing a figure of eight round Blackpool Tower. She did have the agility to get control of the thing and managed to guide it down to the Liverpool to Sheffield canal. She is now safely home. I know you might think I'm doolally but this a true story. Well, most of it is. Actually, her nose isn't in the vac, it rolled under the settee.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

Although its battery operated it doesn't detract from its power it can resonate quite strongly I imagine .It has other benefits, Victoria is so happy, I would think, to be rid of that old heavy duty hoover which would make cleaning a very tiring task . You could almost say it has maybe pepped up your marriage because having bought it as a present she perhaps sees you in a new light Peri. You could say

The Shaking Vac has put the Freshness Back !

 

[Adanor]

Well the nicest thing about my vacuum is that I pay someone else to use it, on my floors of course. The knees and hips are kind of wonky at the moment.

 

[Peripheral]

Hello Adanor, sounds like you and I have the same problem. My knees and hips are also extremely wonky. Sitting down and standing up are somewhat nigh on impossible and I do suffer badly from wobblyitis when I do reach the vertical. Maybe we could start a WONKY society. Worn Out Nobbly Knees Yucks. ... I wonder, do centipedes have knees.? If they do then they have my sympathy.

 

[captain clutterbuck]

My knees and hips are also extremely wonky.

Well that's your past catching up with you Peri , all those early days of retirement down the Derby and Joan club on the dance floor giving the old dears a tango they'd never forget , never the Lancers for you too tame , some of those old gals didn't know what hit them when "ole snake hips" got them up for a thrash around the dance floor some of them sat down afterwards and their corsets were on back to front.