Keep your batteries charged

[Peripheral]

Keep the batteries in your shaver charged or you could end up like this. This morning I went to wash my face and two swallows and a wood pigeon flew out of there. When it gets to that length it drives me potty. OK, I know I'm potty without the beard. I once tried shaving with a cut-throat razor and after only one minute my head fell off and rolled under the settee. I shouted to my wife for help and she came running in with a tube of super glue.
"While I'm down here," I shouted, "do you remember that mince pie I lost last Christmas? Well, I've found it. It needs a good going over with the vacuum cleaner but it should be OK for my dinner with some fresh custard on it."

 

[captain clutterbuck]

I may have mentioned before so apologies in advance but we played in a darts league .One match was at a local CIU club which had one of the first commercial microwaves. Their speciality was a bacon and double egg bap which my friend jumped at buying.

The lady (who knew what would happen) proffered him several napkins but he said one would be fine . A fried egg in a microwave is in essence a grenade and the first bite is the pin removal. It was no different in this case, one bite and his beard was a sea of yellow. He was still washing it out days later, we of course howled with laughter and lost the game 3-0