jokes bad or otherwise.

[George]

 I have no wish to offend anyone so please remember it's just a joke.Apologies for any offence I cause.
A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet.
 Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
 Vet: "Is it a tom?
 Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi’ us."

[George]

A Yorkshireman's dog dies, and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

[George]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"
The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"
The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink.It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.
Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?"
Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?"
"Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."

[MST3Claye]

A Yorkshireman's dog dies, and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

lol.. Funny, George!

[George]

A man  from Barnsley with a sore bum asks the chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
The Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

[George]

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

[George]

Something the ladies might say at their coffee morning
Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They’re hard to get started,they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don’t work.

[George]

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

[George]

 I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

[George]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[George]

 What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

[George]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

[George]

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"

[George]

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys TWO cases of beer.

[George]

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him all weekend.