jokes bad or otherwise.

[dick]

ANOTHER OLD ONE.......................... What did the envelope say to the stamp??
Stick with me and we'll go places!

 

[dick]

What did one toilet say to the other ??

My, you look flushed !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

It's always dullest just before the yawn.

 

[happyjack]

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Meter Officers funeral, a voice from inside said "let me out let me out I`m not dead, let me out" The Vicar smiled and leans forward and mutters "Too late mate the paperworks already done"

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I told my psychiatrist I have this terrible feeling that I'm covered in gold paint.

She told me not to worry, it's just a gilt complex.

 

[dick]

Seen in the paper...............................No one will win the battle of the sexes! There is too much fraternising with the enemy !
........ HENRY KISSINGER !........

 

[dick]

Why was the belt arrested ? It held up some trousers !

 

[dick]

Why cant your nose be 12 inches long ?? Because it would then be a foot !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

A Roman walks into a pub, holds up 2 fingers and says, "I'll have five beers please."

 

[dick]

Why did Tom go out with a prune ??...........................Because he couldn't find a date !

 

[dick]

Why did the man run round his bed??
To catch up on some sleep!!

 

[dick]

Went to a seafood disco last night, and pulled a mussel !

 

[dick]

Never ask a tennis player to serve lunch !

 

[maltrab]

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be

 

[dick]

Where did the seaweed find a job ? From the Kelp Wanted column!

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

It was a trip down memory lane.

 

[dick]

Which nuts sound like they have a cold ?? ........................Cashews!!

 

[onyx(John)]

Which nuts sound like they have a cold ?? ........................Cashews!!

Bless you Dick

 

[dick]

What do you get if you cross a rabbit with an insect ?................................BUGS BUNNY !

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I told a bald man a hair-raising story. It was a complete waste of time.