jokes bad or otherwise.

Three men talking about their sons, first one says: " we called our son george as he was born on st georges day" Second man says: "that's similar to me we called our son Patrick as he was born on st patricks day, the third man says " That's weird we did the same as well, wait till I tell our pancake! "
 
This little weedy kid came up to me and said, "Do you want a fight?"
Laughing, I said,"Yeah go on then little man"
He said, "Good because my Dad has just got out of jail and he really
wants one"
 
I was sitting on the train one morning when a bloke tapped me on the
shoulder.
I instantly felt an electric shock.It turns out he was a conductor.
 
A bloke was arrested for randomly throwing biscuits into peoples cuppas.
He was dunking disorderly.
 
Every time I take up exercising I meet new people. They are usually
paramedics, but still they're new people.
 
A man bought a budgie. It kept repeating, "I'm a Glasgow budgie and
I'm hard as nails." The man bought a buzzard and put it in the cage
with the budgie.
The next morning, the buzzard was dead. And the budgie kept saying.
"I'm a Glasgow budgie and I'm hard as nails."
The man then bought a Golden Eagle and put it in the cage. The next
morning the eagle was dead and the budgie had no feathers.
The budgie said, "I had to take my jacket off for that one!"
 
A fella's wife asked him "What do you like most about me, my pretty
face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "Your sense of humour"
 
A chicken walked into a library and said, 'book boooook, book booook'.
The frog behind the counter said, 'redit, redit, redit'.
 
A mate has just booked a table for him and his wife for Valentines
day.
I can see it ending in tears though, she's rubbish at snooker.
 
I was going to cook my favourite fish when my wife turned up with
parsley and cod.
I thought,This isn't the thyme or the plaice.
 
I told a girl at work that she had drawn her eyebrows on far too high.
She looked really surprised!
 
A nurse once told me that the main problem facing the NHS is Holby
City...
...although...
She might have said 'obesity'
But she was eating a cake at the time.
 
When people call your house phone, confuse them by saying;
"I'll have to call you back I'm driving",
 
George said:
When people call your house phone, confuse them by saying;
"I'll have to call you back I'm driving",
Click to expand...

25r30wi.gif
 
Boy: Hi
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?
Boy: I'm rich
Girl: Hi, I'm Emma nice to meet you!
Boy: No no, "Rich" is my name
Girl: Sorry I don't talk to strangers
 
I was taking my driving test when the examiner said, "You need to
change gear."
I said, "Sorry I just feel comfortable dressed as a scuba diver."
 
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