jokes bad or otherwise.

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

He was surprised by the question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the bees. When he finished, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

Her father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
 
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It is a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch ..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

"S**t" said the Hypnotist.

............. It took three days to clean up the Senior Center
 
I pulled into the gas station to get a drink. When I walked up I noticed these two cops watching a woman who was smoking while pumping gas. I saw her and thought, "Is she stupid?!! With the cops right there too?!"

But anyway, I went in and got my drink. As I was checking out, I heard someone screaming. I looked outside and the woman's arm was on fire! She was swinging her arm and running around going crazy! I ran outside and the cops had put her on the ground and were putting the fire out with their coffees.

Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the police car. I was thinking, "She shouldn't have been smoking near the pump while getting gas!" But being the nosey person that I am, I asked the cops what they were arresting her for. The cop looked me dead in my eyes and said...

"WAVING A FIREARM."
 
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card. It said, "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"
 
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
 
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