jokes bad or otherwise.

Discussion in 'Lets Have some Summer Wine Fun' started by George, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    The youngest son asked his mother how old she was.

    She answered, "39 and holding."

    He thought for a moment and then asked, "And how old would you be if you let go?"
     
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  2. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
     
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  3. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long :oops::oops::oops::31::31::31::30::30::30:o_Oo_Oo_O:44::44::44::eek2::eek2::eek2::rolling::rolling::rolling::notworthy::notworthy::notworthy:
     
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  4. barmpot

    barmpot Well-Known Member

    TODAY'S STOCK MARKET REPORT:

    Helium was up.
    Feathers were down.
    Paper was stationary.
    Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
    Knives were up sharply.
    Cows steered into a bull market.
    Pencils lost a few points.
    Hiking equipment was trailing.
    Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
    Light switches were off.
    Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
    Diapers remain unchanged.
    Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
    The market for raisins dried up.
    Coca Cola fizzled.
    Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
    Balloon prices were inflated.
    And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
     
  5. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    I've stopped getting shocks when I touch metal ! ............................I'm ex- static !:08:
     
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  6. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    What were Tarzan's last words?

    "Who greased that vine!"
     
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  7. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    There was a paddle sale at the boat yard..............It was quite an oar deal !:08:
     
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  8. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    If at first you don't succeed...so much for skydiving!
     
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  9. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Why did the witches lose their cricket match ??.....................Their bats flew away !:confused::08:
     
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  10. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

    Hailing taxis.
     
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  11. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    What did the Penne say to the Fusilli before it went on holiday ?
    Pasta la vista !;):08:
     
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  12. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    What do you get if you cross a dolphin with an elephant?

    Swimming Trunks :cool2:
     
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  13. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    Why is a circle the most useless shape ? There's no point to it !:08:
     
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  14. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    What do you call an Arab dairy farmer?

    A milk sheik.
     
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  15. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    One wind turbine asked the other what kind of music it liked. "Oh I'm a big metal fan !" was the reply!:confused:
     
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  16. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    You're only young once but You can be immature forever !:08:
     
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  17. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    How do we know Moses wore a wig.

    Sometimes he was seen with Aaron and sometimes without.
     
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  18. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    I nearly got arrested for stealing a board game. It was a RISK I was willing to take !:08:
     
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  19. Electrical Entwistle

    Electrical Entwistle Well-Known Member

    What does a cashier in a police station do?

    Counts coppers. :eyesroll:
     
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  20. dick

    dick Well-Known Member

    My bank manager is so pleased with me ,he keeps sending me letters saying my account is OUTSTANDING !! :22:
     
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