Peripheral
Dedicated Member
The doctor put me on a new sleeping pill recently. It's rather a large pill made for the technological era in that It is square and made like that to stop you rolling out of bed in case you sneeze in the night, top or bottom. The last time I rolled out of bed I landed on top of a burglar who was trying to steal our guzunder. I lande.....??? GUZUNDER MISSUS, guzunder the bed for you to pee in. It's the nearest thing we could get to an En-Suite toilet.
Anyway, the burglar was trying to steal our potty because he thought it was valuable. Somebody had told him that Victoria had peed in it. He thought that it was Queen Victoria that had peed in it but no, it was my wife Victoria. It might have been valuable but, NAH, I won't bore you with silly stories about it being made in Poland.
While the burglar squirmed and struggled underneath me, I pulled my nightshirt down over his head. Do you remember nightshirts? They kept you lovely and warm in those distant winter nights before those warm cuddly quilts were invented. It was so cold getting into bed that you had to curl up like a hedgehog to get warm. My nightshirt came right down to my ankles. If you remember those days then you must be as old as me.
Back to my story, ??? Where was I? OH yes, I pulled my nightshirt down over his head, tied it around his neck and threatened to break wind if he didn't lay still. He lay still till the police came to arrest him. Would you believe that they wanted to take the potty as evidence? They claimed it might have the burglars fingerprints on it. I told them that it had a lot of my prints on it but they weren't from my fingers. The burglar tried to fight off the police when they let him stand up. He knocked over another piece of bedroom toiletry and in general caused quite a commo[de]tion. Sorry about that.
I watched through the window as the police bundled the burglar into the back of the police car. I noticed that the redhead across the street was also watching to see what was going on. Poor old soul, she so much wanted to have children but was still childless. It's her husband's fault that they are childless. Oh boy, is he lazy? He has the paramedics call to open his mouth when he wants to yawn. One whiff of Horlicks and he is nobodies. Someone told his wife to put rancid pond water into his bedtime drink. She did that and after one month she was three months stagnant. Just a minute...... Something wrong there. One month, three months? That can't be right. Come on ladies, help me out.
I wonder if she cut the end of his condoms off like I told her to when I was a bit Brahms and Liszt at the Xmas party. I'll think about that tomorrow, going back to bed now. Think I'll have a pee first. .................. YUCK, what the heck is a policeman's helmet doing under our bed???... Better still, what has the copper, who just took away the burglar, got on his head?
Anyway, the burglar was trying to steal our potty because he thought it was valuable. Somebody had told him that Victoria had peed in it. He thought that it was Queen Victoria that had peed in it but no, it was my wife Victoria. It might have been valuable but, NAH, I won't bore you with silly stories about it being made in Poland.
While the burglar squirmed and struggled underneath me, I pulled my nightshirt down over his head. Do you remember nightshirts? They kept you lovely and warm in those distant winter nights before those warm cuddly quilts were invented. It was so cold getting into bed that you had to curl up like a hedgehog to get warm. My nightshirt came right down to my ankles. If you remember those days then you must be as old as me.
Back to my story, ??? Where was I? OH yes, I pulled my nightshirt down over his head, tied it around his neck and threatened to break wind if he didn't lay still. He lay still till the police came to arrest him. Would you believe that they wanted to take the potty as evidence? They claimed it might have the burglars fingerprints on it. I told them that it had a lot of my prints on it but they weren't from my fingers. The burglar tried to fight off the police when they let him stand up. He knocked over another piece of bedroom toiletry and in general caused quite a commo[de]tion. Sorry about that.
I watched through the window as the police bundled the burglar into the back of the police car. I noticed that the redhead across the street was also watching to see what was going on. Poor old soul, she so much wanted to have children but was still childless. It's her husband's fault that they are childless. Oh boy, is he lazy? He has the paramedics call to open his mouth when he wants to yawn. One whiff of Horlicks and he is nobodies. Someone told his wife to put rancid pond water into his bedtime drink. She did that and after one month she was three months stagnant. Just a minute...... Something wrong there. One month, three months? That can't be right. Come on ladies, help me out.
I wonder if she cut the end of his condoms off like I told her to when I was a bit Brahms and Liszt at the Xmas party. I'll think about that tomorrow, going back to bed now. Think I'll have a pee first. .................. YUCK, what the heck is a policeman's helmet doing under our bed???... Better still, what has the copper, who just took away the burglar, got on his head?
