Peripheral
Dedicated Member
I am in a little predicament where a teensy weensy bit of help might be needed. It all started on Monday of this week, September the 2nd. My wife told me that my physiotherapist was coming to see me Weds on the 4th of September. I always like to look my best when anyone calls to see me for my medical needs. Wednesday morning arrived and I started making preparations to make myself look good and smell nice for the physio. I started with my hair, wetting it, parting it then getting the blow dryer on it. Then I shaved and applied liberal amounts of aftershave to make me smell nice. I use a special aftershave called Pensioners Pong which is reasonably cheap at 5p a gallon. Next was my body which is a bit difficult for me to clean because of my inability to take a shower or have a bath. I can manage though, by means of a yard brush with a sawn-off handle. This is very time-consuming though and is inclined to leave me somewhat cream crackered. I complete that part by applying my armpits with AAA. Have you not heard of AAA. Good stuff, Avoid Armpit Aroma it is called. All you have to do is soak a couple of sponges in a bucketful of the stuff overnight and stick a sponge under each arm for ten minutes the next day. Last, but not least, were my plates of meat. Plates of meat is Cockney rhyming slang for feet. Have you noticed that the older you get the further away your feet get? Cutting one's toenails becomes more difficult day by day. I do have a solution for this, I dip my toes in dog food and our terrier comes and chews the nails for me. Now, mission completed, I sit back and wait for the physio to arrive. I am totally shattered and eat copious amounts of bananas dipped in sugar to help me build me build my strength back up. I finished the preparations at noon. One clock arrives, no physio. Two o'clock arrives, no physio. I indulge in a few extra dabs of Pensioners pong. Three o'clock arrives and still no physio. My wife starts searching through her notes on her laptop.
"Oh", she says, "the physio isn't coming till next week, Wednesday the 11th September".
Now, this is where I need your advice. Do you think that if I bowed my head and shuffled my feet, the judge would feel sorry for me and give me a lighter sentence?.
Part of this story is true. I wonder if you can guess which part?
"Oh", she says, "the physio isn't coming till next week, Wednesday the 11th September".
Now, this is where I need your advice. Do you think that if I bowed my head and shuffled my feet, the judge would feel sorry for me and give me a lighter sentence?.
Part of this story is true. I wonder if you can guess which part?
