jokes bad or otherwise.

[barmpot]

The youngest son asked his mother how old she was.

She answered, "39 and holding."

He thought for a moment and then asked, "And how old would you be if you let go?"

 

[barmpot]

The chance of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

 

[barmpot]

Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.

Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?

Patient: I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed."

 

[barmpot]

Then all of a sudden it hit me: I should have hung that ceiling fan higher.

 

[barmpot]

Why are there are always more last-minute details than there are last minutes?

 

[barmpot]

An anagram, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following examples are possibly quite fun:

Dormitory = Dirty Room
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity = Is No Amity

 

[barmpot]

More amusing anagrams

Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
Semolina = Is No Meal

 

[barmpot]

Yet more astounding anagrams

The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls,
I Bet A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Contradiction = Accord not in it

 

[barmpot]

A penultimate anagram, for now (from Billy Wagglelance)

"To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."

Becomes:

"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten."

 

[barmpot]

Final fling on shifting letters around for today


"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

Becomes:

"A thin man ran; makes a large stride; pins flag on moon, left planet. On to Mars!"

 

[dick]

Seen in the paper........................Summers here and everything is green! Including the necklace my husband bought me!

 

[dick]

When I say I think you're the worlds worst shopper , I take it all back!

 

[dick]

A man turned up to a duel carrying pencil and paper.......................He then proceeded to draw his weapons!

 

[dick]

I applied to a firm that make rubberised computer keyboards. They offered flexible shifts

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

If everyone owned a horse, the country would be more stabilized.

 

[dick]

What do's a baby frog's language sound like ?? A tad pol(e)ish

 

[dick]

What vegetable scares sailors most ?...............................A leek!

 

[dick]

I have little knowledge of Greek mythology. Its my Achilles elbow !

 

[dick]

OLD ONE .......................................Which is fastest , hot or cold??
Hot, because you can catch cold.

 

[Electrical Entwistle]

I have little knowledge of Greek mythology. Its my Achilles elbow !